In a nutshell:
In Italian, the choice between formal (“Lei”) and informal (“tu”) forms of address depends on the relationship and context. Use “tu” in informal situations, such as with friends, family, and peers, where familiarity or equality is implied. The “Lei” form is used in formal settings, such as with people you don’t know well, in professional environments, or when showing respect to someone older or in a position of authority. It’s common to begin conversations using “Lei” and switch to “tu” if invited to do so.
Formal and Informal
When learning Italian, one of the key distinctions you’ll encounter is the difference between formal and informal language. Unlike in English, where we rarely change how we speak depending on the person we’re addressing, Italian uses different pronouns, verbs, and phrases depending on the relationship or situation. Understanding when to use formal and informal language is essential to communicating effectively in Italy.
In this blog post, we’ll explore the key differences between formal and informal Italian, present the conjugation, provide examples of common phrases, and give you tips on when and how to use each form.
The Basics: Formal and Informal Pronouns
The most noticeable difference between formal and informal Italian is the use of the pronouns tu and Lei. They both mean you (singular) but “tu” is informal and “Lei” is formal.
- Tu (informal): Used when addressing friends, family, and people you know well. It’s the equivalent of “you” in English.
- Lei (formal): Used when addressing people you don’t know well, such as in professional settings, or when speaking to someone older or in a position of authority. Despite meaning “she” in other contexts, in formal situations Lei means “you” and is always capitalised to distinguish it from the feminine pronoun. In Italian, this is called forma di cortesia (polite form).
Examples:
- Tu sei inglese? (Are you English? – informal)
- Lei è inglese? (Are you English? – formal)
In Italian culture, Lei is a sign of respect and can be important when navigating social situations, particularly with elders or in the workplace.

When to Use Formal Language
There are specific contexts where formal language is expected:
- Professional Settings:
- If you’re in a meeting, job interview, or speaking to a colleague or client you don’t know well, using Lei is a must.
- Formal language helps maintain professionalism and shows respect.
- Speaking with Elders:
- Italians have great respect for their elders. When speaking to someone significantly older, using Lei is customary unless they tell you otherwise.
- In Public Services:
- Whether you’re in a bank, post office, or speaking to someone in a public role, formal language is often the norm. Think of interactions with doctors, civil servants, or when filing paperwork.
- Service Industry:
- When interacting with staff in hotels, restaurants, or shops, it’s common for the staff to use Lei as a sign of respect and professionalism. Whether you’re asking for assistance at the reception, placing an order, or checking out at a store, you can expect to hear formal language. While it’s polite to respond in kind using Lei, in some casual settings like cafes or small shops, you may occasionally hear tu, especially in more relaxed or local environments. However, defaulting to Lei is always a safe and courteous choice.
Example Dialogues:
- Buongiorno, Lei ha un appuntamento? (Good morning, do you have an appointment? – formal)
- Posso aiutarla? (Can I help you? – formal)

When to Use Informal Language
On the other hand, informal language is used in more relaxed settings:
- Family and Friends:
- With people you know well, such as friends and family, tu is used to keep the tone casual and friendly.
- Social Gatherings:
- When meeting people of a similar age or in casual social settings, it’s typical to use tu, especially once introductions have been made.
- Switching from Formal to Informal:
- In many cases, once you’ve established a rapport with someone, they may suggest switching from Lei to tu – this is called darsi del tu.
In this situations, people are likely to invite you to transition into informal by saying: “Ci diamo del tu?” Or “Diamoci del tu!”.
Example Dialogues:
- Ciao, come stai? (Hi, how are you? – informal)
- Vuoi uscire con noi stasera? (Do you want to come out with us tonight? – informal)
Verbs and Conjugation
Regular verbs
A key difference between formal and informal Italian is how you conjugate verbs. For tu, the conjugation is more familiar, while Lei takes the third-person singular form.
Let’s have a look at the table of regular verb conjugations below listing these forms:

As you can see from the table, tu means you, of course, and its conjugation is on the second line. As for Lei, which also means tu (formal), this conjugation is on the third line. In order to differentiate its meaning from lei (meaning she), Lei has a capital letter.
Examples:
- Tu parli italiano(you speak Italian – informal) vs Lei parla Italiano (you speak Italian – formal)
- Tu dormi bene (you sleep well – informal) vs Lei dorme bene (you sleep well – formal
To know more about regular verbs, HERE is a full blog with tables and a handy 50 basic verbs cheat sheet.
Irregular verbs
Here’s a quick reference for your first 8 basic irregular verbs:
- Essere (to be): tu sei (informal) / Lei è (formal)
- Avere (to have): tu hai (informal) / Lei ha (formal)
- Fare (to do): tu fai (informal) / Lei fa (formal)
- Andare (to go): tu vai (informal) / Lei va (formal)
- Stare (to say, and other meanings): tu stai (informal) / Lei sta (formal)
- Venire (to go): tu vieni (informal) / Lei viene (formal)
- Dire (to say): tu dici (informal) / Lei dice (formal)
- Dare (to give): tu dai (informal) / Lei da (formal)
Greetings and Titles
Formality extends beyond pronouns and verbs – it also affects greetings and how you address people.
- Formal Greetings:
- Use Buongiorno (Good morning) and Arrivederci (Goodbye) in formal settings.
- Informal Greetings:
- With friends, it’s common to say Ciao for both hello and goodbye, or Ci vediamo (See you).
- In between Greetings:
Salve is neither formal nor informal; it sits in between and can be used when you’re unsure about the level of formality in a situation. Use it to say both hello and goodbye.
Titles are also important. In formal settings, Italian use Signore (Mr.), Signora (Mrs.), or professional titles like Dottore (Doctor), Architetto (Architect), Ingegnere (engineer) as a sign of respect.

The use of the article with Signore
In formal settings, you may also encounter the use of Signore (Mr.) and il signore (the gentleman).
Signore is used directly when addressing someone (e.g., Buongiorno, Signore! – Good morning, Sir!, Signore, desidera il menu? Would you like the menu, Sir?).
However, when referring to someone indirectly, Italians often use il signore.(e.g., Il signore vorrebbe un caffè – The gentleman would like a coffee. Il signor Rossi viene domani – Mr Rossi comes tomorrow.)
To know more about title abbreviation read this blog here.
Written vs Spoken Formality
- Written Italian:
- Formality is particularly important in writing. Letters and emails often begin with phrases like Egregio (Dear) and end with Distinti saluti (Kind regards). These expressions may seem overly formal, but they’re the norm in business correspondence.
- Spoken Italian:
- In everyday conversation, Italians tend to be less formal. Even so, starting with Lei and adjusting as you get to know the person better is a safe bet.
The Regional Factor
It’s important to note that the use of formal and informal language can vary by region. In large cities, such as Milan or Rome, people may be quicker to switch to tu, even in professional settings. In smaller towns or the south, formal language may be more common and expected.
Practical Tips for Students
- Memorize Key Phrases:
- Keep a few formal and informal phrases handy to use in different situations:
- Scusi (Excuse me/Sorry – formal) vs Scusa (informal).
- Senta (Excuse me) vs Senti (informal)
- Le spiace (Do you mind – formal) vs Ti spiace (informal)
- Per favore (Please) works in both formal and informal settings.
- Keep a few formal and informal phrases handy to use in different situations:
- Practice Role-Playing:
- Try switching between tu and Lei in your conversations. This will help you feel more comfortable when you need to use formal language.
Conclusion
Understanding when to use formal and informal Italian is an essential skill that will help you communicate confidently and respectfully. Practice using both forms, and remember, when in doubt, start formal! As you build relationships, you can move to more informal language. Having said that, if you are a beginner and you get this wrong, don’t worry, most people will understand.
Are you ready to put your Italian into practice? Join our next free conversation class, where we’ll be using role-plays to help you master both formal and informal Italian. Don’t miss out! Sign up for our newsletter to be the first to know when the next session is announced.